Random Thoughts

 

Grandma & Grandpa were married 65 years when she went to Heaven.  Grandpa joined her the following year. They did not have the perfect marriage.  They both had to make adjustments for the other.  Once the 'adjustment' came at the end of a frying pan to grandpas head!  He never came home drunk again.  Think he actually quit drinking all together after that.   Most of life's lessons were there for the taking while growing up in their presence. Many have finally 'sunk in'.

 
I'm overwhelmed.  Seems I'm always 'overwhelmed'.  A dozen things I want to do, a dozen things I have to do and a dozen reasons I don't have time.  So I do the absolute 'have tos' and then do nothing. 

I just don't follow through.  Maybe it is a fear of failure or being looked at like I am stupid.  I guess deep down inside it is fear of not being accepted for who I am.  A fear of not being liked if I voice a firm opinion.  So I waiver.  I crawl in my virtual reality hole.  I shrink into myself and become Closter phobic.

This is not a new state of affairs for me.  It goes back for as far as I can remember, yet I am not exactly sure where it came from.  Every night I lay in bed and tell myself,  "Tomorrow I am going to do something I want to do.  I am going to break the cycle."   When I get up in the morning, I am already exhausted, little sleep and all my energy spent working all night on 'courage' and 'plans'. 

So across the aisle, I am listing my "have tos"  and my "want tos" and my "someday I wills"

Feed and water the dogs.
Change the sheets.
Do laundry.
Clean the floors.
Clean the kitchen.
Clean the dog's room.
 
Walk the dogs.
Go to yard sales.
Have a yard sale.
Exercise.
Not over eat.
Have a good cry.
Actually go somewhere and see and 'do' something.
And most of all, just have an unguarded conversation!

Write a book about dogs.
Write a book about life.
Produce my game.

Renovate an old house.
Sell my rug art.
Find the other half of who I am.
Have something to leave to my grandchildren.

 
Relationships:
Always be true to yourself.  Change in yourself is good only if you want the change and are happy with the results.
Lets say you are a  "W".  Some days you may be W.  Some days you may be W.  Some days you may be  W or  w, but you are still "W".

If you let someone chip away at you, you could become an "N".  Even more chipping, a "V".  If you allow someone  have free reign at changing you, "W" could become B or C or D.  All of W could be gone.

Don't let yourself become dependent.  Even if it seems nice for awhile, the struggle to regain the clean sharp W will require so much erasing and re-writing.

When you are not happy with something someone says or tells you to do, say so!!!  No matter who the person, no matter how wonderful, if you let yourself be chipped away, they will keep right on chipping.

They chose you because they liked you.  If you let them change you, then you will not be the person they chose.  Be yourself, the person you are comfortable with and stick to it.  If they don't like it, then you picked the wrong person.  The only thing you can control in this whole world is your inner "self".   You let got of that and you won't like yourself and others won't like you much either.

Right Now:

Right now is the most important moment of our life. 

The past is gone; we can not change it.  Hopefully we have learned from it.  Hopefully we have become a better person because of it.  Hopefully we still carry the important relationships with us.

The future is uncertain.  This could be the last moment of our existence on this planet.  Or we may be facing a million more moments right where we are.  So right now is important as it will affect what could be to come.

If this were your last moment and you knew it, how would you want to be remembered?  What would you do?  Who would you talk to or call?  Who would you write to?  What would you say? 

What is important?  Don't put it off.  Even if this is not your last moment, it may be someone else's.  Don't let regret and  guilt carry into your future because of what you didn't do and could have.  That guilt is what keeps tugging at us, bringing us down for the rest of our lives.  Give hugs, give apologies (even if you don't feel you were wrong), give encouragement, give LOVE and SAY it!

 
Ecclesiastes 3 (New International Version)

01- There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
02 - a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
03 - a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
04 - a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
05 - a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
06 - a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
07 - a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
08 - a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.